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All self development - whether it’s getting fitter, or learning new skills - follows the same three principles: comfort, stretch, and stress. This theory was developed by two psychologists, Andy Ryan and Dawna Markova.
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Comfort is the realm of our ingrained habits. Stress happens when the challenge is so great that we feel overwelmed. Stretch is the zone in which true change happens.
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I experience these three principles of development each time I go to a yoga class. If I stay in the comfort zone, my body remains as it is, and I don’t develop flexibility, strength, and balance. If I force my stretches, I am apt to sustain injuries. It is in the mid range where I stretch further than is comfortable, that sustained change happens.
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The comfort zone has its own importance. For example, it’s important to hold a stretch and relax into it until it feels comfortable. Only then should one enter the stretch zone once more in order to lengthen  muscles and ligaments.
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The optimal way of development is by alternating between comfort and stretch, whilst avoiding stress.
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The stretch zone can feel uncomfortable because the new skills or behaviours feel strange and awkward. Dawna Markova says:

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Try lacing your hands together. You habitually do it one way. Now try doing it with the other thumb on top. Feels awkward, doesn’t it? That’s the valuable moment we call confusion, when we fuse the old with the new.

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After the phase of confusion, the brain begins organizing the new input, creating new pathways in the brain if the process is repeated often enough.
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This is an unusual take on confusion! But it is in line with the original meaning, as ‘confusion’ means ‘binding together’. It means that it is necessary for the habitual and the new to fuse, in order for a new habit to form.
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This reminds me of the transformation of an ordinary caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly. I describe this transformation in my article Threshold as follows:

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When the time for transformation has come, a larva wraps itself in a cocoon and becomes a chrysalis. Just imagine how that might feel! Suddenly the larva is constricted, can’t move anymore and the light darkens. Then a disintegration begins. Some cells die, others revert to an undifferentiated state, some cluster together as ‘imaginal discs’ that carry a genetic blueprint for new structures. If you compare a caterpillar to a butterfly they seem worlds apart and yet one transforms into the other.

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This process is an example of con-fusion. And it’s exactly how the stretch zone works: the old fuses with the new to establish growth.
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The stretch zone has important implications for brain health.
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In her book “This Year I Will…”, Andy Ryan says:
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Getting into the stretch zone is good for you. It helps keep your brain healthy. It turns out that unless we continue to learn new things, which challenges our brains to create new pathways, they literally begin to atrophy, which may result in dementia, Alzheimer’s and other brain diseases.
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Continuously stretching ourselves will even help us lose weight, according to one study. Researchers who asked folks to do something different every day - listen to a new radio station, for instance - found that they lost and kept off weight. No one is sure why, but scientists speculate that getting out of routines makes us more aware in general.

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Which of the three zones of development do you tend to inhabit?
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• Do your prize comfort? Resist change? If so, you maybe someone who lives mostly in the comfort zone.
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• Do you love learning and growing? Then you maybe spend most of your time in the stretch zone.
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• If you often feel stressed and overwhelmed, you may be inhabiting the stress zone.

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All three zones have their place in life.
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The comfort zone is the phase of hibernation. In winter no shoots can be seen above the ground, but beneath the earth root are growing. The shoots are getting ready to pierce the soil and taste the sunlight. This phase is common in creative endeavors. It’s the stillness and seeming dullness that we can experience just before a brain wave.
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We need to inhabit the stress zone when we’re faced with new situation that has to be mastered in a hurry.
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The stretch zone is the zone of creativity and innovation. Dawna Markova said something very interesting about it:
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You cannot have innovation, unless you are willing and able to move through the unknown and go from curiosity to wonder.
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This means that in order to come through confusion into growth, we need to embrace not-knowing. We need to develop a tolerance for ambiguity. This ‘not knowing’ allows us to find something new in our life and grow in a way we couldn’t previously imagine.

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What is your experience of comfort, stretch, and grow?

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Check out my two companion articles:

• What Makes Us Creative?
• How to Establish a New Habit the No-Sweat Way (Guest post at Zen Habits)

Photo by Ellhoisa

What’s your mission in life? Do you feel that your life has a special purpose?

I think every life has a meaning. But it’s hidden. If we never find it, we may feel that we’ve missed our life.

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Luckily, there is a pointer that can reveal our purpose in life. This pointer is passion. Passion is a central power of the soul. Finding our passion means connecting all the parts of our being and feeling the special energy that can transform our life.
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Steve Pavlina - who is arguably the most successful personal development blogger on the Internet with more than 2 million visitors to his site each month - has written some fascinating articles about finding the purpose of life.  He said in a post named Passion vs Self-discipline:
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Passion is simply an emotional state, and a temporary and unstable one at that. The reason passion gets so much credit is that it helps motivate action. And action is what generates results.
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I don’t agree with Steve Pavlina on this point. And he himself wrote in another article:

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Passion and purpose go hand in hand. When you discover your purpose, you will normally find it’s something you’re tremendously passionate about.

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True passion is a wellspring of energy that drives our life, and aligns it with our ultimate purpose.

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There is a lovely ancient word for ‘life purpose’. It is the word ‘calling’. A calling is an inner urge to pursue an activity or perform a service. We are called to develop to our highest human potential.

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One my readers wrote to me recently and asked:
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“Does my mission have to be huge? Does it have to change the world?”

I answered, “No. It just has to change your world, your future, and your life.”
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The purpose of life can be found in unexpected ways, as the following story of Yarra Amoroso shows.
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Yarra - a talented artist who was struck down with Multiple Sclerosis at age thirty-two - found her purpose of life as she was lying helpless in hospital after a severe attack related to MS. At that time she spoke the following into a dictaphone:

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“The strongest thing that kept coming was, “What a blessed life!” I was just dissolved into gratitude. I would never have guessed in my thoughts or visualisation, ‘Aha, this is why I came. This is it: I came for gratitude!’”

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Yarra discovered that gratitude was her purpose in life! And she focussed on that purpose until she finally died eleven years later. She had a profound effect on all who knew her. A family member wrote after her death:
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Yarra gave me the opportunity to see life in the raw and it its splendor, and to be a vital part of it. I am grateful for the gift of life, hers and mine.

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You can see by this example that finding our true purpose transforms not only our own life, but the lives of those around us.
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How can you find the purpose of your life?
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Steve Pavlina asks in his interesting article The Meaning of Life: Discover Your Purpose:
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How exactly are you supposed to define your purpose? Are you simply supposed to know it and squeeze it out of your brain like a sponge? What if you can imagine several different missions that might fit you, but you have no idea which is better? What if you can’t think of anything at all that seems meaningful to you? What then?
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He came up with an interesting method. In his article How to Discover Your life Purpose in About 20 Minutes he suggests the following:
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1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

arra gave me that opportunity. The opportunity to see life in the raw and it its splendor and to be a vital part of it. I am grateful for the gift of life, hers and mine.”

I’m not so sure that we can just sit down and come up with our life purpose in twenty minutes. However, I think Steve’s step 4 is important. When we finally find our true purpose, it touches us deeply.

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In my own search, the following fifteen questions led me to find the purpose of my life. You may find that they work for you too.

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It’s best to work your way through the questions one at a time, coming back to the task again and again, until you have completed all fifteen questions. Make sure you have a notebook at hand to record your answers.

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1. What is your greatest barrier to following your dream?
What is it that holds you back? Fear of failure? Fear of ridicule? There seems to be no opportunity? Do you think you lack talent?
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2.     How do you label yourself and how does that restrict you?
This question reveals another barrier to finding your life purpose. What kind of labels do you stick on to yourself? Check out in which way these labels hinder your development. Are gender, age, talent or other issues a limeting concern for you?
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3.    What drives you?
When you’re relaxing with friends, what do you love talking about? Is there a theme that makes you feel animated?

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4.    What interest or passion are you most afraid of admitting?
Maybe it’s something you think other people might scoff at. Or maybe you fear that your passion sounds too grandiose?

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5.    What hidden clues does your home reveal?
Walk around  your home as if you were a detective. What clues to your passions do you find? What do the photos or pictures on the wall reveal? What about books or mementos on the shelves? If you did not know this person, what would you guess about his or her passion in life?

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6.    What did you want to become as a child?
What childhood dreams did you have about your life?
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7.    What are your strengths?
What are you particularly good at? Some psychologists take of signature strengths that make us who we are. Check them out here and then write down your top three strengths.

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8.    What do you want to be when you grow up?
Forget for a moment that you’re an adult. Close your eyes and ask yourself what you want to be when you grow up. Immediately write down the answer - without analysing. Most likely the answer will surprise you.
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9.    What do you secretly love about yourself?
Sometimes what we like about ourselves isn’t what we are particularly proud of. Be honest and write down what you like about yourself.
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10.    What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t fail?
Fear of failure stunts our dreams and actions. If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do?
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11.    How would you like to make the world a better place for yourself and others?
This question teases out your aspirations. Aspirations are the stars by which we walk our path in life. What are your aspirations?
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12.     What would you do if money was no barrier?
Dream big for a moment! What would you love to do if you had all the money you needed? Would you travel the world? Or build an eco-house? Or help people in need? Or start a business? Or build an empire? Or study?
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13.     What would you regret on your deathbed if you hadn’t done it?
Imagine that you are dying. What would you feel you’ve missed out on? What would you regret not having done?

14.    What would be the smallest step towards your folloing your passion?
If we look at the whole mountain we want to climb it just seems too difficult. The secret is to start walking. Action is the key to success. And it is also the key to good fortune. See if you can chunk down your passion into just one small step. What would that be? How could you take this first step today?
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15.     Who will be your support person?
It can be hard to make big changes on your own. Maybe you have a trusted friend you could talk to? Or maybe you would like me to support you?
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Once you have completed all the fifteen questions. Take some quite time on your own and slowly read through the answers. Notice which answers leap out at you. Highlight the ones that give you a sense of energy. Then compare the answers that you highlighted. Now underline those that ring true for you. You can follow this process of elimination until your just have a few answers left. Is there one amongst them that brings you to tears?

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When I completed this exercise I was left with this:
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My life purpose is

• to continually grow and develop as a human being,

• to cultivate kindness,

• to help others reach their full potential.

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What is your life purpose? Please share with us what you have discovered.

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Related articles:
What Would You do With Your Life if You Could do Anything?
Strategies for Good Luck
Check-out my guest post: How to Strip 10 Years off Your Age in 10 Days
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Photo of Joanna Newsom by ezola

Imagine performing at your best in front of thousands - full of confidence and joy. This is what former Boston star Bill Russell experienced frequently. He said,
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“This is when everything goes so perfectly that you slip into a gear that you didn’t even know was there.”
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We all have that secret gear. That’s what psychologist Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced “chick-sent-me high”) found. His research showed that optimal experience occurs when body and mind are stretched to their limits in order to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. He called it being ‘in the flow’. Csikszentmihalyi said:
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“Such experiences are not necessarily pleasant at the time they occur. The swimmer’s muscles might have ached during his most memorable race, his lungs might have felt like exploding, and he might have been dizzy with fatigue — yet these could have been the best moments of his or her life.”
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Here are seven characteristics of flow or zone according to sports psychologist Karlene Sugarman:
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•Relaxed: The best performances occur when you are just slightly above your normal state of arousal, not at the extreme end of the spectrum. You feel relaxed, but you are able to move with great strength and ease.
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•Confident: You exude confidence and pride, and it is evident in your performance. There is no fear. You don’t let a lapse in performance undermine your belief in your overall abilities.

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•Focused: You are totally absorbed in the moment. The only thing you are concentrating on is the task at hand. You have no real sense of time.
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•Effortless: You are in a state where you can accomplish great things with little or no effort. Your mind and body are working with one another in perfect unison. That sort of connectedness and moment of greatness is an awesome thing both to witness and take part in.
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•Automatic: There is no interference from your thoughts or emotions.. You are on auto pilot-just reacting to whatever comes your way. Your body just seems to know what to do.
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•Fun: When you’re in the flow, the enjoyment is incomparable to anything else.
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•In Control: You feel that no matter what, you are in control. You own your own destiny. The authority is yours, and no one else’s. You have a feeling of mastery.

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When I read these characteristics, it seems impossible for an ordinary human being to have such experiences. And yet I remember strange moments years ago when I was a professional flutist. It seemed like I suddenly became the flute, and music just poured out of me without effort.

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We all have the capacity for being in the zone. The good new is that we can train ourselves to experience it. The following seven steps show how to develop the capacity for being in the zone. Read the rest of this entry »